Now I freely admit that I’m not the smartest guy in the world. Hell, I’m not even sure that I’m reasonably intelligent. Actually, I’m usually more like an old redneck boy from east Texas.
I wake up each morning, then look around and see what needs doing, then put on my boots and set out to do it. That’s about the extent of my planning in life.
So today was the day when I’m supposed to pay the bills. Day after payday. Works out real well. Normally.
Today was a bit odd, though.
The water bill came in for zero dollars. That’s a big fat goose egg.
I’m not sure how that happened. Last month they cut my water off for not paying, so all I can figure is that when I payed to turn it back on, they must have added in this month’s payment as well. You know, for my convenience.
Somehow my convenience always ends up costing money in the long run. I’m not really sure how that works. That, and new-and-improved usually means a smaller size. It’s funny that way. “Please send your payment to the following address, for your convenience.”
So anyhow, no water payment today. So that’s good. and on to the gas bill.
I like having natural gas instead of electric heat. It usually comes out cheaper in the long run for me. In Texas, natural gas is like zits on a teenager.
So my bill this month was: -$26.51
That’s NEGATIVE money there.
Last time I saw negative money was in my checking account. Then they charge an overdraft fee and it increases the negative balance, so you still need to pay more just to reach zero. So I’m actually considering sending the gas company an overdraft notice and charging them 25 bucks. For their convenience.
I could get used to this bill-paying stuff. I’ve payed two bills and came out with more money than I started with.
So then on to the cable company.
The bill comes out to -$3.43
Again, a negative.
How?
Ok, maybe this is all a dream. Maybe I should pinch myself, try flying, or walk naked through a school campus and find out. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a negative bill before.
Well, except for the gas bill two minutes ago.
So that leaves the electric bill.
No, wait, this cant be right. So I went back and re-checked the other bills all over again, just to make sure. Maybe they aren’t really due yet. Maybe I made a mistake. But everything checked out ok.
I could get used to this in a hurry. Add in a few more bills and I can quit my job.
It would be cool to make your living by paying your bills every day. Pick up a few bucks from each one and you are set for the month.
I’d even sign up for HBO if that happened.
So…on to the electric.
The bill came out to $399.97
It is Summer in Texas after all. There’s no such thing as negative Air Conditioning, and the electric bill is higher than ever.
For my convenience.
